Growing Pains

On Thursday, the last day of school before the Easter Holiday weekend, I decided I needed to go to pick up my oldest daughter from school and have a word with her teacher. I wanted to chat with Ms. A about the relationship between Sophie and another little girl in her class (who shall remain unnamed). The relationship between the two girls had slowly, but surely turned into something unhealthy. Sophie, on a daily basis, talked about the behaviour of this other little girl and all of us found the stories both disturbing and upsetting. I had watched, quietly, long enough to have decided it was time to put an end to their time together in the classroom.

Upon arriving at school, I was met by the Principal, who had just come from Sophie's classroom. She was having a good giggle and explained to me (knowing that I was Sophie's Mum) that Sophie and another girl in the class had been playing "hairdresser". I didn't really understand what she was explaining, thinking that she meant that some of the children in the class (including Sophie) had been pretending to play "hairdresser". Since she found the event so humourous, I didn't expect that there was much more to the story than a couple of children displaying some creative thinking. I was wrong.

When I got to the classroom Sophie was standing beside the teacher with a look of guilt, remorse, and something else on her face. The teacher approached me and explained that Sophie and this other child (the aforementioned child that shall remain unnamed) had decided to cut one anothers hair. She went on to explain that she had not seen this happening until it was too late. When I glanced at the teachers desk, all I could see was a pile of Sophie's long, beautiful, golden hair in a huge pile. I swallowed, hard, and listened to the teacher say that she was very sorry and that she would be splitting the two girls up from that point forward. I then explained to her the irony of the situation, since I had been coming to the school to explain to her that I needed the relationship between the two girls to be dissuaded.

Leaving the classroom, with my defeated child, I was incredibly mad. How could this have happened? How could Sophie have made such a terrible decision? Hadn't we taught her to make good decisions? It was an awful, awful moment.

Arriving home and finally getting to look at the damage to Sophie's hair (she had been wearing the hood of her jacket since I found her in the classroom), I burst into tears. The damage was too great and I knew, in my heart, that all her hair was going to have to come off. I then began asking Sophie some questions to better understand what led to this situation at school. By asking specific questions, I slowly began to see that the story behind the incident was far more serious than I had anticipated. This other child, who had been slowly creating a control situation with Sophie had suggested that the two of them cut Sophie's hair. The other child had said she would cut a piece of her own hair (which she did) and then said that she would cut Sophie's hair. Which she did. close to her scalp, to behind her ear. I was horrified.

What had started out as Sophie making a really bad decision with another child, quickly became, Sophie being the victim of a bullys scheme. The anger that I had felt earlier was replaced with a deep sadness and hurt for my child. With an emergency visit to the hairdresser, many tears, and a very short haircut, I slowly digested what had happened to Sophie. At the very young age of six, Sophie had experienced her first encounter (and certainly not her last) with an unhealthy person, with incredibly destructive behaviour.

Our family (and friends), in this situation, created what felt to me, like a healing circle. Words of wisdom, words of encouragement, empathy, understanding and amazing support came from all directions. The hands of the family all reached out to Sophie and made her understand that this was a very sad incident but that she was even more beautiful with her new pixie hairstyle.

Sophie, with her beautiful little face and radiant nature, soaked up all of this support and rather than crumbling under her newly imposed look, she blossomed into wiser and stronger little being. As she has since she was born, she continues to amaze all who know her and I am incredibly proud to be her Mummy.