On Thursday of last week, Bridget enjoyed her first ballet class in her very own, new, ballet outfit and new ballet slippers. Not slippers soft and worn from her big sisters' use and not a slightly pilled ballet outfit, stretched a bit in the bottom because of Sophie's constant wear. Brand new everything.
I have been trying to be very sensitive to the role of "the second child" - especially when the children are of the same sex. It must be very hard to always walk in the shadow of a larger and louder older sibling. Bridget, with the perfect combination of sweet and strong, wants nothing more than to tell stories like sister, dress like sister, read like sister, have the same friends as sister - BE like sister. My heart catches a little bit when I watch the rapture on her face when she is watching Sophie accomplish something or tell a story that everyone finds funny. She just adores her sister.
When I told Bridget, after Christmas, that she might like to think about doing a class if some kind - she looked at me and said "just like Sophie taking ballet and gymnastics and soccer?". "Yes, you can choose anything you like and we will take you and be proud of you and take pictures of you and come to your recitals and final matches and closing presentations". All she did was flash me one of her incredible smiles and say "thank you, Mamma. I like you a lot."
Ballet was the choice. This was said with complete certainty and without hesitation. Two days before her first class, I made a special trip to two locations and bought a little pink ballet outfit and perfect little pink ballet slippers. When I picked Bridgy up from pre-school, I told her that there was something special in the car for her. She scrambled into the car and held out her little hands and closed her eyes. I put the package in her hands and told her to open it. Just as though she knew it was a moment that I needed to savour, she opened the paper wrapped around her new outfit very carefully and slowly (especially for a three year old) and then announced "thank you Mama, it is what I always wanted - but why isn't it from Sophie?"
I was a bit confused thinking that she meant "why didn't Sophie give this gift to me?" not realizing that what she actually meant, the sweet second child, was "it didn't belong to Sophie before me".
I promise, to both my first and my second - I will continue to try to make each of your lives uniquely your own and to nurture the love of such wonderful sisters.
3 comments:
Lovely piece, Nand, and lovely thoughts and resolutions. Good parenting is a very hard thing to do - having no experience at it - but you are doing a remarkable job with your 2 girls. I, basically, was the "Sophie" in our family (Andy being born so much later as to be a single child). Nicky, was the "Bridgy" and I believe she would toally understand and support the way you are approaching the second child situation in your family. She often mentions being in my shadow and always getting the "hand-me-downs" instead of the new stuff. Bridgy is a lucky girl - not only to have Sophie as her idol but to have a Mum who understands her place in the family and who celebrates it! Love you!!!
Nand - lovely piece, and lovely thoughts. Parenting is a difficult job, with no expeience to go by - but you are doing a remarkable job with your girls. Second children of like gender do have issues - Nicky could tell you about hers. She always felt as if she were "in my shadow" particularly at school, and she also always received the "hand-me-downs". Bridgy is indeed a lucky girl to have a sister like Sophie to be her idol, and a Mum like you, who understands her special place in the family. Love you!!! MUM
Oh sniffers. So nice.
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